Funny Quotes, Famous Funny Quotes, Funny Greetings Quotations Sayings

Popular Quotes:

Sex and the City

South Park Quotes

The Great Gatsby

Keep Up To Date With:

Celebrity Quotes, News

Links:

Email Hoaxes and Scams

Video Greetings

Girls Dressup Games

Guide To Depression

<a href="http://c.casalemedia.com/c?s=63683&f=3&id=0" target="_blank"><img src="http://as.casalemedia.com/s?s=63683&u=http%3A%2F%2Fallgreatquotes.com&f=3&id=0&if=0" width="120" height="600" border="0" alt=""></a>

AUTHORS by last name: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

TOPICS: Love - Funny - Friendship - Life - Art - Sex - Nature. All Topics - Click Here

Quotes of the Week - Sept 2, 2008:
"It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it." -- US Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama at his party's Denver convention.

"No way. No how. No McCain. Barack Obama is my candidate. And he must be president." -- Hillary Clinton backs Obama at convention.

"In international relations, you cannot have one rule for some and another rule for others." -- Russian president Dmitri Medvedev on recognizing independence of Georgia's breakaway regions, saying the West set a precedent by treating Kosovo the same way.

"I wanted to show myself as I am. I couldn't care less about the camera." -- Designer Valentino Garavani, in a new warts-and-all portrait documentary of half century in fashion.

Topic: Funny Quotes Quotations - Famous Funny Quotes, Sayings, Greetings

Send Funny eCards Greetings to a friend - Select from funny quotes below

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of... -- Mae West
He's the kind of man who picks his friends - to pieces... -- Mae West
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly... -- Woody Allen
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork... -- Mae West
Home is the girl's prison and the woman's workhouse... -- George Bernard Shaw
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught… -- Woody Allen
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early... -- Charles Lamb
I always say, keep a diary and some day it'll keep you... -- Mae West
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his... -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I am at two with nature... -- Woody Allen
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally... -- W.C. Fields
I am not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop... -- Noel Coward
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes... -- Joan Rivers
I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British... -- Woody Allen
I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear... -- Woody Allen
I don't know what effect these men will have upon the enemy, but, by God... -- Duke of Wellington
I don't feel old - I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap... -- Bob Hope
I don't know a lot about politics, but I can recognise a good party man when... -- Mae West
I don't like myself, I'm crazy about myself... -- Mae West
I don't think sex could ever be as rewarding as winning the World Cup. It's not... -- Ronaldo
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve... -- Woody Allen
I drink therefore I am… -- W.C. Fields
I exercise extreme self-control. I never drink anything stronger than gin... -- W. C. Fields
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning... -- Frank Sinatra
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it... -- Mae West
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers... -- Woody Allen
I have always felt a gift diamond shines so much better than one you buy for yourself... -- Mae West
I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's... -- Woody Allen
I have made an important discovery…that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities... -- Oscar Wilde
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education... -- Mark Twain
I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting... -- Mark Twain
I have nothing to declare except my genius... -- Oscar Wilde
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me... -- Winston Churchill
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge... -- Spike Milligan
I just love Chinese food. My favourite dish is number 27... -- Clement Atlee
I like a man who's good, but not too good - for the good die young, and... -- Mae West
I like children - fried... -- W.C. Fields
I like my beer cold…my TV loud…and my homosexuals flaming... -- Homer Simpson
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want... -- Rita Rudner
I love everything about you. Your lips, your eyes, your voice. The only thing... -- Groucho Marx
I love mankind. It's people I can't stand... -- Charles Monroe Schultz
I never drink water, fish fuck in it... -- W.C. Fields
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception... -- Groucho Marx
I never loved another person the way I loved myself... -- Mae West
I never met a kid I liked... -- W.C. Fields
I often take exercise. Why only yesterday I had breakfast in bed... -- Oscar Wilde
I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not... -- Eleanor Roosevelt
I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once... -- Mark Twain
I recently turned sixty. Practically a third of my life is over... -- Woody Allen
I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher - they are going to make... -- Woody Allen
I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics... -- Woody Allen
I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard... -- David Brent
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes... -- Woody Allen
I used to be Snow White…but I drifted... -- Mae West
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will... -- Homer Simpson
I was married by a judge - I should have asked for a jury... -- George Burns
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile... -- Woody Allen
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam... -- Woody Allen
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a... -- Woody Allen
I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate... -- George Burns
If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried... -- David Brent
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up... -- W. C. Fields
If it sells, it's art... -- Frank Lloyd
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit... -- Woody Allen
If only God would give me some sign. If He would just speak to me... -- Woody Allen
If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers... -- Homer Simpson
If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves... -- David Brent
If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs... -- David Brent
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite... -- Mark Twain
If you want to make God laugh, tell him... -- Woody Allen
If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow... -- John Wayne
If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork... -- David Brent
If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour... -- David Brent
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything... -- Woody Allen
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard... -- Woody Allen
I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill... -- George Burns
I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to... -- George Burns
I'm not a fighter, I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being... -- Woody Allen
I'm not normally a religious man, but... if you're up there, save me, Superman... -- Homer Simpson
I'm really a timid person - I was beaten up by Quakers... -- Woody Allen
I'm tired, send one of them home... -- Mae West, when told there were 10 men waiting to...
In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol and it was the worst 20 minutes of my life... -- George Best
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows... -- Woody Allen
In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker... -- Woody Allen
In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants... -- Oscar Wilde
Income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf... -- Will Rogers
Intellectuals are like the mafia; they only kill their own... -- Woody Allen
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is... -- Woody Allen
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right... -- Woody Allen
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?… -- Mae West

More Funny Quotes A to H ------ Funny Quotes I to S ------ Funny Quotes S to Y

<a href="http://c.casalemedia.com/c?s=63683&f=4&id=0" target="_blank"><img src="http://as.casalemedia.com/s?s=63683&u=http%3A%2F%2Fallgreatquotes.com&f=4&id=0&if=0" width="300" height="250" border="0"></a>

LINKS | RSS Feeds | ORIGINAL FLASH MOVIES | BOOKMARK US NOW | HOME | © Copyright 2008.