She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure
described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest
in a yak.
She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success,
wrong by wrong.
Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!
Sit down Rodney. Keep your brains warm.
Derek Del boy Trotter
Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only
Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply"
but not in those words.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and
some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
Some people say there is a God; others say there is no God.
The truth probably lies somewhere in between.
Some people think football is a matter of life and death.
I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more
serious than that.
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's
nothing exactly like it.
W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good,
you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't
stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
Stop thinking, and end your problems.
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
congress. But I repeat myself.
Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
Thank God I'm an atheist.
That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a
serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke.
The Americans will always do the right thing . . . After they've
exhausted all the alternatives.
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet
and Doctor Merryman.
The best way to behave is to misbehave.
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free
is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
The Book of Life begins with a man and a woman in a garden
ends with Revelations.
The difference between sex and death is that with death you
can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep
his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
The ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination.
If we see light at the end of the tunnel, It's the light of
the oncoming train.
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness
and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
The minute that you read something that you can't understand,
you can almost be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer.
The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.
Madame de Stael
Also attributed to Madame Roland.
The more I see of the moneyed classes, the more I understand
George Bernard Shaw
The only difference between doctors and lawyers is that lawyers
merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too.
The Prime Minister has nothing to hide from the President
of the United States.
Stepping from his bath in presence of
The realisation that one is to be hanged in the morning concentrates
the mind wonderfully.
The report of my death was an exaggeration.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn
are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can
fake that, you've got it made.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly
and lie about your age.
This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.