When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm
When the President does it, that means it's not illegal.
When women go wrong, men go right after them.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour.
When you have nothing to say, say nothing.
Charles Caleb Colton
When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
When you see a married couple coming down the street, the
one who is two or three steps ahead is the one that's mad.
When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must
hate to work for a living.
Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven,
in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently
there must be a beverage.
Winning isn't everything - it's the only thing.
Woe unto you also, lawyers! for ye lade men with burdens grievous
to be borne.
Women are as old as they feel - and men are old when they
lose their feelings.
Women have a much better time than men in this world. There
are far more things forbidden to them.
Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men
represent the triumph of mind over morals.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Men don't get cellulite. God just might be a man.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things
that make you want to live to be a hundred.
You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for
in every war they kill you in a new way.
You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to
be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service
focused and sober!
You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them
in the back.
You just pick up a chord, go twang, and you're got music.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is
You're everywhere. You're omnivorous.
You're never too old to become younger.
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in
Herbert Henry Asquith