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Topic: Golf Quotes - Funny Golf Quotes, Quotations, Sayings about Golfing & Golfers
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Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom.
Michael Green
The Art of Coarse Golf, 1967.

Golf is like life in a lot of ways - All the biggest wounds are self-inflicted.
Bill Clinton

Golf is not just an exercise; it's an adventure, a romance... a Shakespeare play in which disaster and comedy are intertwined.
Harold Segall

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
Will Rogers

A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do.
Osbert Sitwell

Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility. It has given me an understanding of futility of the human effort.
Abba Eban

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.
Bob Hope

If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
Author Unknown

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
Tommy Bolt

I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper.
David Brenner

One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball.
Don Carter

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
G. K. Chesterton

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour.
Author Unknown

My handicap? Woods and irons.
Chris Codiroli

Even God has to practice his putting.
Golf Saying

Golf: A game in which you claim the privileges of age and retain the playthings of youth.
Author Unknown
Often attributed to Samuel Johnson, who never said it about golf but wrote this: "It is unjust to claim the privileges of age, and retain the play-things of youth."

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful woman - and you can keep the golf clubs and fresh air.
Jack Benny

Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out-of-doors.
Paul O'Neil

There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
Author Unknown

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
P.J. O'Rourke

No man has mastered golf until he realizes that his good shots are accidents and his bad shots are good exercise.
Eugene R. Black

Golf is the cruelest of sports. Like life, it's unfair. It's a harlot. A trollop. It leads you on. It never lives up to its promises.... It's a boulevard of broken dreams. It plays with men. And runs off with the butcher.
Jim Murray

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
Roger Simon

Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill scoured by a whiff of arrogance.
Alistair Cooke

The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
Author Unknown

The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes.
Michael Green
The Art of Coarse Golf, 1967.

The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows.
P.G. Wodehouse

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.
Paul Gallico

Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well.
Art Rosenbaum

A golf course is nothing but a poolroom moved outdoors.
Barry Fitzgerald
Going My Way.

Through years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt.
Jack Nicklaus
On why he tees his ball high.

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
Ben Hogan

All I've got against it is that it takes you so far from the clubhouse.
Eric Linklater
Poet's Pub, 1929.

"After all, golf is only a game," said Millicent. Women say these things without thinking. It does not mean that there is a kink in their character. They simply don't realise what they are saying.
P.G. Wodehouse
Order by Golf, 1922.
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