I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was
"the man goes on top and the woman underneath." For
three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
Joan Rivers |
I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and
six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers |
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers |
I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.
Joan Rivers |
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys
were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers |
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
Joan Rivers |
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she
said, "Get the hell off my property."
Joan Rivers |
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without
plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers |
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers |
Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
Joan Rivers |