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John Cleese Quotes, Sayings
It's not the despair, I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.
John Cleese
As school headmaster Brian Stimpson in movie, Clockwise.

Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies.
John Cleese

I used to desire many, many things, but now I have just one desire, and that's to get rid of all my other desires.
John Cleese

Think what I'd have had to pay Alyce if she'd contributed anything to the relationship.
John Cleese
On his latest divorce in August 2009.

You do realize as you grow older that almost nobody knows what they are talking about.
John Cleese
Fawlty Towers star remembers all those TV executives who told him that a comedy set in a hotel would never work.

Oh German! I’m sorry. I thought there was something wrong with you.
John Cleese
As Basil Fawlty, Fawlty Towers.

They’re Germans. Don’t mention the war.
John Cleese
As Basil Fawlty, Fawlty Towers.

Our experts describe you as an appallingly dull fellow, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humor, tedious company and irrepressibly drab and awful. And whereas in most professions these would be considerable drawbacks, in chartered accountancy they are a positive boon.
John Cleese
As Guidance Counselor, Monty Python’s Flying Circus.

I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries!
John Cleese
As the Frenchman, Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

And now for something completely different . . .
John Cleese
As Newsreader, Monty Python's Flying Circus.

"I have $9m left. It's a decent amount and I'm not looking for sympathy, but it isn't an awful lot for someone who has been at the top of his profession for 40 years.
John Cleese
After paying his third ex-wife $16m, May 2011.

The son whines to his father, "You messed up my childhood!" And the father says, "How could I, son? I wasn't even there."
John Cleese

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?
John Cleese

The English contribution to world cuisine - the chip.
John Cleese

It's not pining. It's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. THIS IS AN EX-PARROT.
John Cleese
As Mr. Praline, Monty Python's Flying Circus.

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking, "Do you want fries with that?"
John Cleese

If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth.
John Cleese

He who laughs most, learns best.
John Cleese

The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn't the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.
John Cleese
John Cleese - British comedian, actor, writer and film producer. He was born in October, Somerset, England, on October 27, 1939. He was a member of Monty Pyton, the comedy team responsible for the hit TV show Monty Python's Flying Circus and four Monty Python movies. He was the star and co-writer of the classic British sitcom Fawlty Towers.


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