I'm not saying the wife's ugly, but last christmas she stood
under the mistle toe waiting for someone to kiss and she was
still there at lent. In fact she went to see that film the
Elephant Man and the audience thought she was making a personal
Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some
Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.
Hubert H. Humphrey
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law
a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.
Honolulu? Well, it's got everything: sand for the children,
sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.
My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home and
found us in bed together.
Tomorrow it's the mother-in-law's funeral...and she's cancelled
I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
But there, everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when
his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the
Jerome K. Jerome
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
Henry Louis Mencken
I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay;
the mice throw themselves on the traps.
They say the definition of ambivalence is watching your mother-in-law
drive over a cliff in your new Cadillac.
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she
said, 'Get the hell off my property.'
The wife's Mother said, 'When you're dead, I'll dance in your
grave.' I said: 'Good, I'm being buried at sea.'
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law
to the airport.
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned
out to be a trick knee.
My mother-in-law was with me during all four of my births
and when she was sitting next to me holding my hand during
the cesareans, well, I craved that.
I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussard's Chamber of Horrors,
and one of the attendants said, 'Keep her moving sir, we're
A mother-in-law is better than a single and childless political
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour
said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law.
English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law.
This is our idea of useless legislation.
I should, many a good day, have blown my brains out, but for
the recollection that it would have given pleasure to my mother-in-law;
and, even then, if I could have been certain to haunt her
- but I won't dwell upon these trifling family matters.
Never rely on the glory of the morning nor the smiles of your
Back of every achievement is a proud wife and a surprised
If you have a mother-in-law with only one eye and she has
it in the center of her forehead, don't keep her in the living
Lyndon B. Johnson
The mother-in-law frequently forgets that she was a daughter-in-law.
Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back
of a milk carton.