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Topics: Funny New York Quotes, Funny Sayings about New Yorkers
New York Quotes 1 - 2
If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.
Lennie Bruce

The Bronx? No Thonx!
Ogden Nash

New York Taxi Rules:
1. Driver speaks no English.
2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace like Segal.
3. Driver hates you.
Dave Barry

The only real advantage of New York is that all its inhabitants ascend to heaven right after their deaths, having served their full term in hell right on Manhattan Island.
Barnard Bulletin

An interesting thing about New York City is that the subways run through the sewers.
Garrison Keillor

There's no room for amateurs, even in crossing the streets.
George Segal

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most of it unsolved.
Johnny Carson

Hating the New York Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers, and cheating on your income tax.
Mike Royko

I love short trips to New York; to me it is the finest three-day town on earth.
James Cameron

New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment – a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.
Brendan Behan

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
David Letterman

New York is the only city in the world where you can get deliberately run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian.
Russell Baker

The state bird of New York is the Jaywalk.
Archie Bulger

I miss the animal buoyancy of New York, the animal vitality. I did not mind that it had no meaning and no depth.
Anais Nin

A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
Jackie Mason

It's not Mecca, it just smells like it.
Neil Simon
California Suite.

I've been a New Yorker for ten years, and the only people who are nice to us turn out to be Moonies.
P. J. O'Rourke

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
David Letterman

One belongs to New York instantly, one belongs to it as much in five minutes as in five years.
Thomas Wolfe

It's much better to be a neurotic in New York than in Nashville. There they liked me but they didn't understand me. Here they like me and understand me.
Stanley Siegel

New York: Skyscraper National Park.
John Updike

When you’re in New York City, always keep your money and other valuables in a safe place, such as Switzerland.
Dave Barry

New York is a place where the rich walk, the poor drive Cadillacs, and beggars die of malnutrition with thousands of dollars hidden in their mattresses.
Duke Ellington

New York is the dirtiest, largest, ugliest, broken-down city in the world-but it's the only one.
Isaac Stern

I live in New York, and I was thinking about the lagoon in Central Park, down near Central Park South. I was wondering if it would be frozen over when I got home, and if it was, where did the ducks go? I was wondering where the ducks went when the lagoon got all icy and frozen over. I wondered if some guy came in a truck and took them away to a zoo or something. Or if they just flew away.
J. D. Salinger
The Catcher in the Rye.

You're never alone in New York, the city is your date.
Sarah Jessica Parker
As Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City.

New York makes one think of the collapse of civilization, about Sodom and Gomorrah, the end of the world. The end wouldn't come as a surprise here. Many people already bank on it.
Saul Bellew

New York is like living inside Stephen King's brain during an aneuryism.
Kevin Rooney

It seemed almost intolerably shining, secure and well-dressed, as though it was continually going to gay parties while London had to stay at home and do the housework.
Noël Coward
New York Quotes 1 - 2


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