Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
Lead me not into temptation. I can find the way myself.
Learn from my parent's mistake. Don't have kids!
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
Learning from your mistakes is smart, learning from the mistakes
of others is wise.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Let's play carpenter, first we get hammered, then I nail you.
Life exists for no known purpose.
Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
Logic is in the eye of the logician.
Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken
in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany
Love: a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Marriage is grand; divorce, a hundred grand.
Marriage. An expensive way of getting your laundry done for
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot
more willing to die.
Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. "No"
is the answer.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Monday is the root of all evil.
Most people don't act stupid - it's the real thing.
Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before.
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. -
Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level
and then beat you with experience.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Never interrupt your enemy while they are making a mistake.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Never waste a lie when the truth will do. - Jack Clancy
Never, ever make absolute, unconditional statements.
No good deed goes unpunished.
No life is totally wasted, one can always be a bad example.
No one dies a virgin, life screws them all.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do
Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it
One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
Only dead fish go with the flow.
Only the winners decide what were war crimes.
Optimist: Someone without much experience.
Out of my mind. Back in give minutes.
People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.
People will believe any lie, either because they want it to
be true or they are afraid it's true.
Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. - Evelyn Waugh
Quando omni flunkus moritati - when all else fails, play
Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. -
Rehab is for quitters.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck. - Joss
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
Save water - take a bath with your neighbor's daughter.
Send lawyers, guns and money!
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
Sex on tv can't hurt unless you fall off.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Software is just like sex. One mistake and you end up giving
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they
go. - Oscar Wilde
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot
Some people wish to get what they deserve, while others fear
Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on
the same side.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm
Spelling is a lossed art.
Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
Stupidity, if left untreated, is self-correcting. - Robert
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit. Get lost.