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Authors: Peter Griffin Quotes, Famous Peter Griffin Quotes, Sayings
1 2 3 4 more Peter Griffin quotes
Lois, when I'm through with them, our kids will be so smart, they'll be able to program their own VCRs without spilling piping hot gravy all over myself.
Peter Griffin
Family Guy
Chris, everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that.
Peter Griffin
Family Guy
Lois Griffin: Peter! You're bribing your daughter with a car?
Peter Griffin: Aw, c'mon Lois, isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love'?
Family Guy
[Peter and Brian are touring the Pawtucket Brewery]
Peter Griffin: Wow, it's like I died and went to heaven, then God realized it wasn't my time yet, so He sent me back to a brewery.
Family Guy
[Death holds up Peter's death certificate]
Peter Griffin: Where did you get that?
Death: It was e-mailed to me by your HMO.
Family Guy
Bonnie Swanson: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter Griffin: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois Griffin: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter Griffin: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!
Family Guy
Peter Griffin [when he's hungover]: This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. [Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
skeltons.]
Peter Griffin [as a child]: Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.
Family Guy
Peter Griffin: We all know that no women anywhere wants to have sex with anyone and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is - is just bogus.
Lois Griffin: Ah, he is so right on. Women are such teases. That's why I went back to men.
Family Guy
Lois Griffin: Peter, there's a hooker on the bed!
Hooker: Hi.
Peter Griffin: Stand perfectly still Lois, their vision is based on movement.
[Pause]
Hooker: Where'd you go?
Family Guy
I've got an idea - an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about.
Peter Griffin
Family Guy
1 2 3 4 more Peter Griffin quotes
Peter Griffin is central character in American animated television series Family Guy, and head of Griffin family. The series, about fictional family in Rhode Island, was created by Seth MacFarlane for FOX in 1999.


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