Lois, when I'm through with them, our kids will be so smart,
they'll be able to program their own VCRs without spilling piping
hot gravy all over myself.
Peter Griffin
Family Guy |
Chris, everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And
that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that.
Peter Griffin
Family Guy |
Lois Griffin: Peter! You're bribing your daughter with a car?
Peter Griffin: Aw, c'mon Lois, isn't 'bribe' just another word
for 'love'?
Family Guy |
[Peter and Brian are touring the Pawtucket Brewery]
Peter Griffin: Wow, it's like I died and went to heaven, then
God realized it wasn't my time yet, so He sent me back to a
brewery.
Family Guy |
[Death holds up Peter's death certificate]
Peter Griffin: Where did you get that?
Death: It was e-mailed to me by your HMO.
Family Guy |
Bonnie Swanson: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter Griffin: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois Griffin: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter Griffin: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!
Family Guy |
Peter Griffin [when he's hungover]: This sucks worse than
that time I went to that museum. [Flashback to childhood, standing
in museum looking at dinosaur
skeltons.]
Peter Griffin [as a child]: Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.
Family Guy |
Peter Griffin: We all know that no women anywhere wants to
have sex with anyone and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise
is - is just bogus.
Lois Griffin: Ah, he is so right on. Women are such teases.
That's why I went back to men.
Family Guy |
Lois Griffin: Peter, there's a hooker on the bed!
Hooker: Hi.
Peter Griffin: Stand perfectly still Lois, their vision is based
on movement.
[Pause]
Hooker: Where'd you go?
Family Guy |
I've got an idea - an idea so smart that my head would explode
if I even began to know what I'm talking about.
Peter Griffin
Family Guy |
Sex
and the City
