I like threesomes with two women, not because I'm a sexual
predator. Oh no! But because I'm a romantic. I'm looking for
the One. And I'll find her more quickly if I audition two
at a time.
All penguins are the same below the surface, which I think
is as perfect an analogy as we're likely to get for the futility
What I've learnt, to my cost, on several occasions, is that
people will put up with all manner of bad behaviour so long
as you're giving them what they want. They'll laugh and get
into it and enjoy the anecdotes and the craziness and the
mayhem as long as you're going your job well, but the minute
you're not, you're fucked. They'll wipe their hands of you
without a second glance.
I've always been a 'Your parents have got to come up to the
school' type of person. Even now, when I do something wrong
- I half expect to have to deliver a note to Barbara Brand:
'Please come up to Channel 4 head office, Russell's done something
My life is just a series of embarrassing incidents strung
together by telling people about those embarrassing incidents.
You can get away with any admission, however appalling, so
long as it's preceded by the words 'To my shame...'.
'For the first time in my life, I spend more time meditating
and doing yoga than I do having sex.