And now it looks like I’m probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard. – Artie Lange
I got cast on ‘MADtv’ as one of eight permanent cast members chosen from 8,000 comics who’d been screened. For any comic trying to make something of themselves, that was like hitting triple 7s-jackpot. – Artie Lange
It’s weird because standup can be like therapy. Comedians can’t be satisfied with just having fun with our friends. We’ve got to figure out a way to do it on stage. – Artie Lange
It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn’t the greatest looking guy in the world. – Artie Lange
My father was a really good athlete, so his pop-ups really were sky high. Eventually I learned how to judge them properly and catch them well. It was great training for when I started to play on teams, which I did all through school. – Artie Lange
People are so nice, you know. It’s such a credit to Howard Stern – the audience base that he created is such a special thing. It took him a long time to create this family of fans, and I was lucky to be a part of that for a while. – Artie Lange
Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that. – Artie Lange
When I became a standup comic, my hero, one of them, was Richard Pryor, and you know, I think that comedians, like, comedians talk about hacks, and what a hack is, is someone who does stuff that’s not original. – Artie Lange
Unlike a lot of comics, I didn’t care about getting on ‘Saturday Night Live.’ That show had such history and was so established that I didn’t see the point. – Artie Lange
Woody Allen stayed so good because he never left New York. Howard Stern stayed so good because he never left New York – Mel Brooks when he just got out of New York was doing ‘Blazing Saddles;’ when he left New York he started doing stuff like ‘Robin Hood Men In Tights’ – he was in L.A. too long. He lost the edge. – Artie Lange
When you did impressions on ‘MADtv,’ the producers gave you a Walkman that played huge sections of whatever movie was being parodied, with your character’s catchphrases recorded on a loop. You’d wear this thing around during rehearsals and for a week listen to the voice you had to impersonate over and over again. It drove all of us crazy. – Artie Lange
Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it’s funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something’s funny and you’re the subject of it, sometimes it’s more offensive. If someone’s insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot. – Artie Lange
It’s a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me – I’m fine with the card I got. I’m gonna play this. – Artie Lange
By the time I am Howard’s age I hope to be long retired. I don’t plan on working that long. – Artie Lange
I used to be a longshoreman. I didn’t go to college. I have a voice that when I say something, it can sound way meaner than you think it is. – Artie Lange
The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent. – Artie Lange
To tell you the truth, there are all these websites predicting my early death, and it’s starting to work on me! – Artie Lange
I once dealt with a prima donna on a movie set. I won’t say who, but his first name is a country. A communist country. Run by Fidel Castro. – Artie Lange
The road is a lonely place, and that sounds like a cliche, you know, like what is my life? – Artie Lange
I never went through a period were I wanted to be a doctor, a cop or even a rock star. All I wanted to do was play short stop for the Yankees from the time I was about 5. Then I turned 15 and realized how silly that was and just gave up on it. – Artie Lange
The Howard Stern Show is a big hit because it entertains dumb and smart people at the same time for different reasons. – Artie Lange
