Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. – Fran Lebowitz
Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. – Fran Lebowitz
The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive. – Fran Lebowitz
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior. – Fran Lebowitz
All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable. – Fran Lebowitz
Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure. – Fran Lebowitz
If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words. – Fran Lebowitz
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met. – Fran Lebowitz
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. – Fran Lebowitz
I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word – politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit. – Fran Lebowitz
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. – Fran Lebowitz
Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. – Fran Lebowitz
Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching. – Fran Lebowitz
I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. – Fran Lebowitz
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. – Fran Lebowitz
You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do. – Fran Lebowitz
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. – Fran Lebowitz
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football. – Fran Lebowitz
I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? – Fran Lebowitz
I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. – Fran Lebowitz
Scientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. – Fran Lebowitz
