I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and – I can’t remember what the third thing is. – Fred Allen
Television is a device that permits people who haven’t anything to do to watch people who can’t do anything. – Fred Allen
A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. – Fred Allen
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. – Fred Allen
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. – Fred Allen
Committee – a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. – Fred Allen
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk. – Fred Allen
It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals. – Fred Allen
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you. – Fred Allen
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer’s heart. – Fred Allen
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They’re afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. – Fred Allen
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done. – Fred Allen
