Hamlet Pun Quotes

OPHELIA: I do not know, my lord, what I should think.
POLONIUS: Marry, I’ll teach you: think yourself a baby
That you have ta’en these tenders for true pay,
Which are not sterling.

– William Shakespeare

Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3. In his attempts to control Ophelia and her relationship with Hamlet, Polonius ridicules his daughter. Using two metaphors, he compares her to a infant he has to teach and describes Hamlet’s “tenders” or expressions of affections as “not sterling” – not true silver coins. He tells Ophelia to put a higher value on herself when it comes to Hamlet or she will make her father look a fool. Polonius thinks he is being clever by punning in response to Ophelia’s use of “tenders” when she speaks of Hamlet’s letters of affection to her. On being confronted by her father’s bullying and the patriarchal misogyny of her brother Laertes, Ophelia feels that she lacks her own voice and even the ability to think.

You are a fishmonger.

– William Shakespeare

Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2. Hamlet’s response to Polonius’ question, "Do you know me, my lord?" It has been said that fishmonger is slang for pimp, suggesting that Polonius has been willing to sell his daughter’s happiness in exchange for honors from the king. Hamlet is also pretending not to recognize the councilor to the king and feigning madness, allowing him to mock and ridicule Polonius. He is punning by comparing Polonius to a fisherman, since Polonius is trying to fish for answers from Hamlet.

Not where he eats, but where he is eaten: a certain convocation of politic worms are e’en at him. Your worm is your only emperor for diet: we fat all creatures else to fat us, and we fat ourselves for maggots: your fat king and your lean beggar is but variable service – two dishes, but to one table: that’s the end.

– William Shakespeare

Hamlet, Act 4, Scene 3. When Claudius asks where Polonius is at supper, Hamlet makes this reply admitting that Polonius is dead, but in a roundabout way. He uses vulgar, graphic imagery of death and decay, saying the corpse of Polonius is now a feast for worms. And he speaks of the democracy of death, with rich and poor, high and low, ending up as dishes at the same meal.

Why may not that be the skull of a lawyer? Where be his quiddities now, his quillets, his cases, his tenures, and his tricks?…Is this the fine of his fines, and the recovery of his recoveries, to have his fine pate full of fine dirt? will his vouchers vouch him no more of his purchases, and double ones too, than the length and breadth of a pair of indentures?

– William Shakespeare

Hamlet, Act 5, Scene 1. When the gravedigger throws up another skull, Hamlet wonders if it belonged to a lawyer. In a flurry of puns he wonders where all his lawyer tricks are now that this gravedigger knocks him on the head with a dirty shovel.
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