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The Great Gatsby
Hamlet

Free Literature Study Guides
The Great Gatsby
Hamlet

J. B. Smoove Quotes

I drive a big Dodge truck. I drive American cars.

– J. B. Smoove

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls – it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That’s because of gravity.

– J. B. Smoove

I’m on my version of the protein diet, but there ain’t no protein in it. It’s a Krispy Kreme doughnut between two Cinnabons. And you soak it overnight in Red Bull. Then you chase it with a Snickers.

– J. B. Smoove

Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two’s is the most important thing.

– J. B. Smoove

I steal scenes, I steal opportunities. I am the ultimate thief. I got sticky fingers, man. They all call me The Thief.

– J. B. Smoove

When you’re babysitting a kid, all you’re seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.

– J. B. Smoove

I wouldn’t want to be someone’s roommate, that’s for sure. You can’t do certain things: you can’t leave the bathroom door open… you can’t put your feet on the couch, you can’t hide stuff in the couch.

– J. B. Smoove

My wife is a vegetarian. When my wife is with me, I eat vegetarian. When she’s not, I eat meat. I’m just being honest.

– J. B. Smoove

I loved Peter Sellers. I thought he was the perfect mix of physical comedy with out-of-the-box humor. I loved his tone; I loved his physicality; I loved everything about what he was doing as a comedic actor.

– J. B. Smoove

It’s an ongoing joke that a black man is always the first one to get killed in movies.

– J. B. Smoove

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can’t they make a phone out of Tupperware?

– J. B. Smoove

To be a true comic, you have to have a signature move. You ever watch wrestling? And your favorite wrestler has the one move that he always does to finish his opponent off, right? Like when he climbs on the rope, and he always jumps off the top rope and finishes off his opponent – that’s what a comic has.

– J. B. Smoove

When you speak directly at things and don’t say you’re going to try to do something or that you hope to do something, the universe will work with you. Think about it this way – a boomerang goes out and comes back to you if you throw it. If you throw it out at the universe, it will come back down to you on Earth.

– J. B. Smoove

It’s great when a director like Cameron Crowe can take what you do and fit it into what he’s doing. If someone’s a fan of you already, they can take what you do and make it work for what they’re doing. You don’t know their vision, and you’re thinking, ‘How is this guy going to take what I do and make it work in this movie?’

– J. B. Smoove

I’m big on facial expressions, and I’m big on mannerisms, which I find to be hilarious.

– J. B. Smoove

I would only take a role that I know I’m comfortable in and I can do. I’ve turned down plenty of things because I’d feel it’s not me, and I wouldn’t want to come on someone’s project and flip that.

– J. B. Smoove

I think what I do in my acting world and what I do in my standup world is bring up a brand that I want to bring across. Once you figure out your brand and what you do, it’s kind of easy at that. You end up getting your audience.

– J. B. Smoove

I’m afraid one thing – I don’t like heights. Heights bug me out. I’m not cool with heights. I refuse to do a comedy show 12 stories up. I’m fearless about everything else.

– J. B. Smoove

True Yankees fans know an up-and-coming player when they see one.

– J. B. Smoove

I’m sure back in the Greek days or the Roman Empire days, when guys fought in arenas and were fighting lions, people were talking smack. Every era in history has someone talking smack. No way you can have talent and not proclaim your victory.

– J. B. Smoove

You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn’t want a lady who’s a contortionist?

– J. B. Smoove

I’ll drive down the street, and I’ll practice improv. I will sit there at a red light and see two guys talking to each other, and I will just start playing both characters. I can’t hear them, but I can see their mouths moving, so I’ll just put words in their mouths.

– J. B. Smoove

I just always found it easier to be the same guy onstage as you are offstage.

– J. B. Smoove

I’ve done everything. Selling door-to-door fire extinguishers… In bars, I used to repair those machines that have 10 different buttons on them to spray club soda and seltzer.

– J. B. Smoove

I tell people all the time, as I was going through my process of being a comedian or being an actor and a writer at ‘SNL,’ I tell people that everything you do is all a piece of your puzzle to determine where you’re going to end up at.

– J. B. Smoove

You got to start by doing little things if your quest is to take over the world.

– J. B. Smoove

I’m, like, everybody’s friend. I’m one of those dudes. I can be friends with anybody. Any race of person, any personality, I can kind of deal with them. I accept different types of people.

– J. B. Smoove

I have big hands. I can’t do the touch-screen thing. I’m a button guy. I want to press buttons.

– J. B. Smoove

I am addicted to hockey now. I’ve seen it on TV, but to be there? I had no idea that white people were having so much fun without me.

– J. B. Smoove

I wish black people had a flag they could put into the ground, like when the troops stormed Iwo Jima.

– J. B. Smoove

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