Menu

Free Literature Study Guides
The Great Gatsby
Hamlet

Free Literature Study Guides
The Great Gatsby
Hamlet

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

– Jeff Foxworthy

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn’t really make me mad any more.

– Jeff Foxworthy

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

– Jeff Foxworthy

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

– Jeff Foxworthy

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I’ve got four more summers with her. I’m not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

– Jeff Foxworthy

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn’t tell their therapist.

– Jeff Foxworthy

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o’clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don’t know why there’s this big rush to do this.

– Jeff Foxworthy

I know God is real.

– Jeff Foxworthy

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That’s always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

– Jeff Foxworthy

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

– Jeff Foxworthy

You may be a redneck if… your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

– Jeff Foxworthy

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn’t go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

– Jeff Foxworthy

If you’ve ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

– Jeff Foxworthy

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

– Jeff Foxworthy

If your neighbors think you’re a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

– Jeff Foxworthy

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

– Jeff Foxworthy

I don’t know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan’s Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

– Jeff Foxworthy

It’s a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

– Jeff Foxworthy

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it’s God first, friends and family second and you third, we won’t ever have an argument.

– Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if… the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

– Jeff Foxworthy

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don’t want to give two or three more hours away.

– Jeff Foxworthy

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

– Jeff Foxworthy

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

– Jeff Foxworthy

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.

– Jeff Foxworthy

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, ‘you know, we’re alright. We are dang near royalty.’

– Jeff Foxworthy

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers… I don’t remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, ’cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!

– Jeff Foxworthy

The designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

– Jeff Foxworthy

I know if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

– Jeff Foxworthy

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

– Jeff Foxworthy

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

– Jeff Foxworthy

- 1
- 2