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Free Literature Study Guides
The Great Gatsby
Hamlet

Free Literature Study Guides
The Great Gatsby
Hamlet

Lewis Black Quotes

Janeane Garofalo ended up, in a sense, being pushed by the media into becoming a pundit.

– Lewis Black

When I’m funny is when I’m angriest.

– Lewis Black

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

– Lewis Black

I don’t Tweet a lot because I’ve Tweeted things that I thought were really innocuous about subjects that are inflammatory, and the response is so insane sometimes from people.

– Lewis Black

Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they’re supposed to do, and they sure can’t do math!

– Lewis Black

Self-love is a big part of golf.

– Lewis Black

Socialism appeals to me. It’s like imposed Christianity. You’ve got to share.

– Lewis Black

When we anticipate, we’re the happiest. Unless you’re on antidepressants. The reason you take antidepressants is because you can’t anticipate. You think everything’s going to be horrible, so it usually is.

– Lewis Black

Democrats should be focused on which way we can help the most people in this country, and Republicans should be focused on how to do that in the most fiscally responsible manner possible.

– Lewis Black

It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we’ve got rockets, we’ve got saran wrap – fix it!

– Lewis Black

You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work.

– Lewis Black

Democrats are like a big tortoise that’s on its back and can’t get up; you can’t make jokes about that.

– Lewis Black

The Democrats have responded to the Republicans’ lack of dealing with reality by truly not dealing with reality, either.

– Lewis Black

I’ve got stress like anybody else, and it builds up during the day. Like, I’ll be trying to do something on the computer, and I’ll get stuck, so I go to the help section. And it just enrages me, because why even call it a help section at all? There’s nothing in any way ‘helpful’ about it.

– Lewis Black

Being a playwright is like the equivalent of doing a jigsaw puzzle that has 1,500 pieces, and it’s a jigsaw of a blue sky. Not a cloud in sight.

– Lewis Black

I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that crap. I think it’s a healthy outlet for them. If they weren’t covering their lawns with twinkling lights, they’d be doing something that was really, really creepy.

– Lewis Black

Stupidity really gets me going, when it’s just plain stupid, obvious stupidity.

– Lewis Black

I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.

– Lewis Black

As psychotic as it gets outside, the comic can be more psychotic.

– Lewis Black

You got to be just stupid to not be focused on alternative energy.

– Lewis Black

I’ve got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute.

– Lewis Black

I’m amazed that anyone is interested in what I have to say.

– Lewis Black

Online, there’s no time. It’s always Christmas.

– Lewis Black

I am angry that the Democrats don’t have the ability to explain to Republicans that we should be able to feed people in this country, and that is not socialism.

– Lewis Black

I think comics in New York are interested in being comics. And there’re comics in L.A. who are touring comics, who are certainly more interested in stand-up, but a lot of L.A. stand-ups are really looking to do something else.

– Lewis Black

If you’re going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you’d better be sure that God has faith in them.

– Lewis Black

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

– Lewis Black

The whole Valentine’s thing is fine, but you don’t back it up right next to the biggest gift-giving holiday of the year. Unbelievable. And we find it acceptable.

– Lewis Black

I love anything that gets me outside of my own head.

– Lewis Black

I’m a selfish, little pig of a man.

– Lewis Black

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