I mean, all alternative comedy is are comedians that have being doing it for so long, for so long, that they were relaxed enough to start becoming personal on stage. – Patton Oswalt
Lot of ugly funny dudes end up with some pretty gorgeous women. Women are much deeper than us in choosing a mate – they see in the long term. – Patton Oswalt
I think I realized it was an art form at the beginning, but it took me a really long time before I was able to view what I was performing myself as an art form. – Patton Oswalt
We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We’d have eaten ourselves alive long ago. – Patton Oswalt
There are times when I have to take, I call it a ‘silence bath,’ where I shut off all of the external gadgets. I go walk around, talk to people, and just live life for a while. – Patton Oswalt
I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out if me with steel pipes. – Patton Oswalt
Doing ‘Young Adult’ was really reassuring to me in a lot of ways. It confirmed a lot of suspicions I had about great actors. – Patton Oswalt
Based on my own experience, when you’re going through adolescence you don’t know how the world works. You can’t set a story in the world you live in because you don’t know what a utility bill is, or how to budget your paycheck. – Patton Oswalt
Like, my feelings on religion are starting to morph. I’m still very much an atheist, except that I don’t necessarily see religion as being a bad thing. So, that’s a weird thing that I’m struggling with that seems to be offending both atheists and people that are religious. – Patton Oswalt
The Kentucky Fried Chicken corporation made a bobble head of me and sent it to my management. No card, nothing. – Patton Oswalt
There’s nothing wrong with doing comedies, and I’m not against comedies, either, but I always want to do stuff that keeps me off my guard and gets me out of my comfort zone. – Patton Oswalt
Yeah, there were a few years in the early nineties where I really began to hate what was valued as funny and just sort of what was valued in stand-up, period. – Patton Oswalt
I have a very tiny house in Burbank. I drive an 8-year-old car. I’m gonna drive it into the ground. I enjoy what I enjoy. – Patton Oswalt
90% of every art form is garbage – dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that’s good, suck it up, and drive on. – Patton Oswalt
I’m going to continue to try to strike a balance, because I really, really do love doing stand-up, and I don’t see why it should affect the acting. – Patton Oswalt
Knock on wood, my groupies tend to be very artistic, creative people – sometimes way more creative than I am. – Patton Oswalt
To get asked to do stuff like ‘United States Of Tara’ and ‘Caprica’ is terrific. I can’t complain. – Patton Oswalt
I know how my body operates differently from what it did when it was 30 and when it was 20. As unhealthy as I am, I’m weirdly aware of exactly how my body functions. – Patton Oswalt
As you get older as a comedian and keep doing it, what you actually start to cherish on stage is not the build-up to the jokes, but how comfortable you can be in the silence and the non-laughing parts, and how long you can take the audience without a laugh to then get a huge reaction. – Patton Oswalt
I think the kind of person that gravitates toward New York is a person that’s not so much focused on controlling exactly how they appear and how they exit. They’re more fascinated with the process. – Patton Oswalt
If I were to just focus on stand-up, I could actually, paradoxically enough, be home way more, because I would leave on a Friday, go do a couple theaters Friday, Saturday, maybe Sunday, come home. – Patton Oswalt
I have some shorter stories coming out in other books early next year. I might be pitching a re-vamp of Ghost Rider in the spring. We’ll see. – Patton Oswalt
I mean, the death in the late eighties and early nineties really shook out a lot of hacks. The pond just sort of dried up for a lot of really bad comedians. – Patton Oswalt
