The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowel of music. – Peter De Vries
A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. – Peter De Vries
There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you. – Peter De Vries
Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff – it is a palliative rather than a remedy. – Peter De Vries
The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe. – Peter De Vries
We must love one another, yes, yes, that’s all true enough, but nothing says we have to like each other. – Peter De Vries
The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults. – Peter De Vries
The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character. – Peter De Vries
I write when I’m inspired, and I see to it that I’m inspired at nine o’clock every morning. – Peter De Vries
When I can no longer bear to think of the victims of broken homes, I begin to think of the victims of intact ones. – Peter De Vries
It is the final proof of God’s omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us. – Peter De Vries
The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance. – Peter De Vries
My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too. – Peter De Vries
Words fashioned with somewhat over precise diction are like shapes turned out by a cookie cutter. – Peter De Vries
Who of us is mature enough for offspring before the offspring themselves arrive? The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults. – Peter De Vries
