The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon. – Robert Benchley
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. – Robert Benchley
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other. – Robert Benchley
An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens. – Robert Benchley
A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated. – Robert Benchley
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous. – Robert Benchley
Even nowadays a man can’t step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous. – Robert Benchley
For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting. – Robert Benchley
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. – Robert Benchley
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about. – Robert Benchley
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. – Robert Benchley
You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it. – Robert Benchley
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed be doing at that moment. – Robert Benchley
If Mr. Einstein doesn’t like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from. – Robert Benchley
I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author. – Robert Benchley
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it’s compounding a felony. – Robert Benchley
