I proposed to my wife on Brighton Beach, and she said yes. That’s pretty romantic. Even though I forgot to go down on one knee because I was too busy trying to compose the question. – Robert Webb
Ambiguity around ambiguity is forgivable in an unpublished poet and expected of an arts student on the pull: for a professional comedian demoting himself to the role of ‘thinker’, with stadiums full of young people hanging on his every word, it won’t really do. – Robert Webb
If I told my 18-year-old self that one day I’d have a sitcom and a sketch show on TV, I think he’d just drum his fingers and go, ‘When? How long is that going to take?’ – Robert Webb
If I hadn’t got into comedy, I wouldn’t have met Abbey, my wife, and I wouldn’t have my two girls, and the whole thing unravels. That’s the thing about being basically – whisper it quietly – happy, is that you don’t really want to change anything, because once you start changing stuff, then what you’ve got all disappears. – Robert Webb
I hate it when people use the word ‘sorry’ aggressively, as in, ‘Sorry, but I hate you.’ Sorry’s an important word, and it shouldn’t be abused. – Robert Webb
Car-essential is a real turn-off to me, so yeah, I just want a friendly holiday resort with a villa and a pool, but which is really private, but there again, there’s a supermarket and a doctor’s and a beach a five-minute walk away. That’s all I want, and it’s quite difficult to find. – Robert Webb
The strength of ‘Peep Show’ has always been that that it’s quite traditional, but it’s obviously presented in a very new way. – Robert Webb
We have a family holiday once a year, usually abroad, but that’s it. I feel I should have holidays for my family’s sake, but I’m not that adventurous. – Robert Webb
I suppose if I went to Turkey – I mean, I can’t imagine going that far away, but if I did go to Turkey, yes, I would probably try to know ‘please’ and ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you’, and ‘a beer please’, and all the useful words. – Robert Webb
On ‘EastEnders,’ if someone gets surprising news on the phone, the scene ends with them looking at their handset in amazement. No one in real life does that. – Robert Webb
When I look in the mirror, I see the ageing process at full pelt, the hairline in retreat, the bags under the eyes growing and darkening, that kind of thing. I suppose it would be easier if I weren’t an actor, but I am fairly philosophical about it. – Robert Webb
I was an usher at the Lyric Theatre Hammersmith. You had to watch whatever play they had on 40 times. – Robert Webb
Do I wake up every day and thank God that I live in 21st-century Britain? Of course not. But from time to time, I recognise it as an unfathomable privilege. – Robert Webb
One thing about the fantasy dinner party idea that no one considers is whether these people are going to get on. I would say John McEnroe and Ian McEwan, but what would they have to say to each other? – Robert Webb
When I present those clip shows and movie mistakes and things, the persona the writers adopt for me is unimpressed, superior, very sarcastic – I’m not any of that. I can do it, but that’s not what I’m like. – Robert Webb
We call ourselves comedy writer-performers, and that encompasses everything, and I certainly have a very open mind about it. – Robert Webb
Ukippers are the kinds of fools who haven’t noticed they’re sleep-walking towards fascism. Many UKIP candidates are of the age when their parents fought in the Second World War. – Robert Webb
He likes ‘Confetti,’ and he doesn’t like ‘Star Wars.’ I think that just relieves us from the burden of ever having to take Mark Kermode seriously again. – Robert Webb
When I was 18, I was halfway up the Eiffel Tower with my friend, Tom, when we decided to stick our heads through the railings. The gap between the railings was exactly the right size to be able to put your head through and nearly get stuck. Which is exactly what happened. – Robert Webb
I was in the play ‘Fat Pig in the West End,’ which is a comedy but has dramatic moments. – Robert Webb
I’ve been called funny. I assume my wife thinks I’m funny. But generally, if you bumped into me and said hello, I would say hello back, politely. And that would be it. – Robert Webb
I’m a huge, huge fan of Chris Morris. I think he’s a genius, and it is not a word I use very often. I think he’s fantastic. – Robert Webb
When the Mac ad campaign was in full swing, I quickened my pace as I went past certain bus stops. My wife told me that she loyally took a piece of chewing gum off my nose once. – Robert Webb
I grew up in Lincolnshire, trying to get the daughters of farmers and policemen to like me. It didn’t go well until I got to college where, suddenly, there were different sorts of humans. – Robert Webb
I don’t care where you went to school. There – have I made your day? No? All right, I’ll go further: I also don’t care what your dad did for a living or how your mum voted. Nor do I mind whether you ate your tea in front of the telly, dinner at the kitchen table, or supper in the dining room. – Robert Webb
