It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year. – Tom Lehrer
My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that’s just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun. – Tom Lehrer
I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up. – Tom Lehrer
Think as you work, for in the final analysis, your worth to your company comes not only in solving problems, but also in anticipating them. – Tom Lehrer
I have always found it interesting… that there are people who regard copyright infringement as a form of flattery. – Tom Lehrer
If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend or, perhaps to strike a loved one, it will all have been worth the while. – Tom Lehrer
There’s something mathematically satisfying about music: notes fit together and harmony and all that. And mathematics has to do with abstractions and making connections. – Tom Lehrer
The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability. – Tom Lehrer
Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize. – Tom Lehrer
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! – Tom Lehrer
One of the things I’m proudest of is, on my record ‘That Was the Year that Was’ in 1965, I made a joke about spending $20 billion sending some clown to the moon. I was against the manned space program then, and I’m even more against it now, that whole waste of money. – Tom Lehrer
On my income tax 1040 it says ‘Check this box if you are blind.’ I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away. – Tom Lehrer
I didn’t feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a novel and then getting up every night and reading your novel. – Tom Lehrer
In my youth there were words you couldn’t say in front of a girl; now you can’t say ‘girl.’ – Tom Lehrer
