Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate. – Woody Allen
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? – Woody Allen
I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. – Woody Allen
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker. – Woody Allen
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. – Woody Allen
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. – Woody Allen
I’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. – Woody Allen
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. – Woody Allen
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. – Woody Allen
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. – Woody Allen
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government. – Woody Allen
