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Topic: Funny Sex Quotes - Funny Quotes about Sex, Sayings
Funny Sex Quotes 1 2 More funny sex quotes
It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom.
Joan Rivers

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Mae West

If it wasn't for pickpockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.
Steve Martin

My girlfiend said to me in bed last night, "you're a pervert". I said, "that's a big word for a girl of nine".
Emo Philips

When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better.
Mae West

What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap.
James Agate

I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though.
Elton John

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
Les Dawson

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
Woody Allen

A terrible thing happened to me last night again - Nothing.
Phyllis Diller

Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night.
Woody Allen

My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.
Joan Rivers

It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
Marilyn Monroe

Oh Lord, give me chastity, but do not give it yet.
St Augustine

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
Honore de Balzac

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
Woody Allen

Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure.
Bob Hope

I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.
Bernard Manning

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, "the man goes on top and the woman underneath". For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.
Joan Rivers

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to?
Bette Midler

Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.
Camille Paglia

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, "You're only interested in one thing," and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle

Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Gore Vidal

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
John Barrymore

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!
Drew Carey

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.
Arthur C. Clarke

Sex... the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.
Lord Chesterfield

Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

Really, sex and laughter do go very well together, and I wondered - and I still do - which is more important.
Hermione Gingold

There are three sexes — men, women, and clergymen.
Sydney Smith

I started out to be a sex fiend, but I couldn't pass the physical.
Robert Mitchum

I wish I had as much in bed as I get in the newspapers.
Linda Ronstadt

Sex — the poor man's polo.
Clifford Odets

If someone had told me years ago that sharing a sense of humour was so vital to partnerships, I could have avoided a lot of sex.
Kate Beckinsale

Sexual intercourse began in nineteen sixty-three (Which was rather late for me) between the end of the Chatterley ban and the Beatles' first LP.
Philip Larkin
Funny Sex Quotes 1 2 More funny sex quotes


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