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Authors: House M.D. Quotes, House M.D. Funny Quotes, Favorite Houseisms from TV series
House MD Quotes 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
House: I don't ask why patients lie, I just assume they all do.
House, M.D.

House: I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask.House: Like I always say, there's no 'I' in team. There's a 'me,' if you jumble it up.
House, M.D.

House: Humanity is overrated.
House, M.D.

House: Tests take time. Treatment's quicker.
House, M.D.

House: No, if you talk to God you're religious. If God talks to you, you're psychotic.
House, M.D.

House: Sorry. Up late... internet porn.
House, M.D.

Cameron: His wife arranged it as an anniversary present. And if you ask me, if two people really trust each other, a threesome every seven years might actually help a marriage.
House: Okay, I say we stop the DDX and discuss that comment.
House, M.D.

House: I'm going in. Rambo style.
House, M.D.

House: It's not what you think! I know it looks like we're cleaning dishes, but actually, we're having sex.
House, M.D.

Cameron: Could pain medication cause an orgasm?
House: I wish.
House, M.D.

House: I'm too handsome to do paperwork.
House, M.D.

House: You get married at twenty, you're going to be shocked who you're living with at thirty.
House, M.D.

House: Twenty-year olds fall in and out of love more often than they change their oil filters. Which they should do more often.
House, M.D.

House: You know I get it if people are just looking for a way to fill the holes. But they want the holes. They wanna to live in the holes. And they go nuts when somebody else pours dirt in their holes. CLIMB OUT OF YOUR HOLES, PEOPLE!
House, M.D.

House: As fascinating as our bodies are, they're also stupid.
House, M.D.

House: I was never that great a math, but next to nothing is higher than nothing, right?
House, M.D.

House: Patients always want proof, we’re not making cars here, we don’t give guarantees.
House, M.D.

House: Occam's Razor. The simplest explanation is almost always somebody screwed up.
House, M.D.

House: That's a catchy diagnosis, you could dance to that.
House, M.D.

House: Idiopathic, from the Latin meaning we're idiots cause we can't figure out what's causing it.
House, M.D.

House: Never met a diagnostic study I couldn't refute.
House, M.D.

House: If he gets better, I'm right, if he dies, you're right.
House, M.D.

House: It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies.
House, M.D.

House: There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is --- in fact --- a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate.
House, M.D.

House: Bros before hos, man.
House, M.D.

House: Patients sometimes get better. You have no idea why, but unless you give a reason they won't pay you. Anybody notice if there's a full moon? ... let's rule out the lunar god and go from there.
House, M.D.

House: I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone that someone is probably the last person you should ask.
House, M.D.

House: Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent, it's ugly, and it's messy, and if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago. Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. You know women can have an hour long orgasm?
House, M.D.

House: Truth begins in lies.
House, M.D.

House: Thing is, hope’s for sissies.
House, M.D.

House: People don't change.
House, M.D.
House MD Quotes 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
House (also known as House, M.D.): American TV medical drama that debuted on Fox network on November 16, 2004. Central character is Dr. Gregory House (played by Hugh Laurie), noted for his sarcastic wit and cutting one-liners ("Houseisms). Other characters include Dr. Lisa Cuddy, Dr. James Wilson and Dr. Allison Cameron.


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