I believe I must say yes – and yet I shudder. Alas! If I join St. John, I abandon half myself: if I go to India, I go to premature death.

– Charlotte Bronte

Jane Eyre, Chapter 35. We get a glimpse into Jane’s conflicted inner thoughts as she reconsiders St. John’s proposal of marriage, having at first refused him. But she realizes that if she goes with him to India, she will be entering a kind of servitude and abandoning her freedom. The passage above is part of this fuller quote: “I must seek another interest in life to replace the one lost: is not the occupation he now offers me truly the most glorious man can adopt or God assign? Is it not, by its noble cares and sublime results, the one best calculated to fill the void file by uptorn affections and demolished hopes? I believe I must say, Yes – and yet I shudder. Alas! If I join St. John, I abandon half myself: if I go to India, I go to premature death.”