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Authors: Monty Python Quotes, Famous Monty Python Quotes, Pythons Sayings
Pages 1 - 2
Brian's Mother: He's not the messiah. He's a very naughty boy!
Monty Python's Life of Brian
Brian: I'm not a Roman mum, I'm a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I'm kosher mum, I'm a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it!
Monty Python's Life of Brian
Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
PFJ Member: Brought peace?
Reg: Oh, peace - shut up!
Monty Python's Life of Brian
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
Monty Python's Life of Brian
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life - song
King Arthur: If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force!
French Guard: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King, you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt!Thppt!
Galahad: What a strange person.
King Arthur: Now look here, my good man--
French Guard: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Galahad: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
French Guard: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
King Arthur: Who are you?
Head Knight: We are the Knights Who Say... 'Ni'!
Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Brother Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.
Cleric: [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...
Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother...
Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
Brother Maynard: Amen.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail

King Arthur: [after Arthur's cut off both of the Black Knight's arms] Look, you stupid Bastard. You've got no arms left.
Black Knight: Yes I have.
King Arthur: Look!
Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
French Soldier: You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Catholic Dad (singing): Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Catholic Daughter (singing): Let the heathens spill theirs,
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay,
For each sperm that can't be found.
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
Every Sperm is Sacred - song

Pages 1 - 2
Monty Python: Monty Python's Flying Circus (1969-1974) was a BBC television comedy series conceived, written and performed by Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, and Michael Palin. The Monty Python team also made a series of movies including Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975), Monty Python's Life of Brian (1979), Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl (concert movie 1982) and Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (1983).



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